First Love
Think back to your first love? Can’t you? Think about it, you may be able to recall their scent and how happy you felt. Maybe a song can help you as you think back and try recall the happy times spent together. Your entire life has been a quest to find a love as thrilling as the love you felt that first time.
Your first love also entails your first encounter of hearbreak. The truly gut wrenching heartache that leaves you unable to think about anything else. Heartache that threatens to tear you into nothing, sapping your will to go on. Heartache that makes you question if you can ever really get over it but ultimately only makes you stronger.
This is one such tale.
I arrived in China in late September of 2004, just in time for National Day, really. I had decided to flee to China after an unhealthy relationship ended as they are destined to and fortunately before any real damage was done. I had also suffered a momentary but severe lapse in lapse in judgement and had been relieved of my job. My lease was coming up and I resigned myself to playing golf and leaving it all behind to teach in China. It was really a continuation of something I had been doing for years as a software trainer. I knew I liked teaching and found that I really enjoy teaching something as fundamental as English while sharing interesting things from America and the world with my students.
China didn’t start easy but the shambles that I had left myself kept my resolve to stay steady. I had been in China for just a few weeks when the job offer switched from teaching to an offer to marry-for-money. It was so far from the reason I had come to China to not even be considered. I was at a crossroads and wasn’t sure if I wanted to stick around. I was in Datong, one of the most polluted cities in a country that sets the bar for polluted cities and had just been given my first taste of betrayal at the hands of a Chinese employer. It is a common tale but I still felt I had come to far to give up so easy.
I began a search for employment on the internet and despite my answering a job ad that was a year old I found an employer with a need. I just needed to get myself to Sichuan. A dwindling of funds led me to make a plea to family and friends that was met greater than my expectations and left me feeling both blessed and humble. I headed south by train and on the second day I awoke to find the landscape had changed fantastically for the better. The sprawling high desert industrial landscape had been transformed into luscious green mountains with meandering muddy rivers fed by dramatic waterfalls. I recall thinking that I felt like I was home. Little did I know.
My first impression of Chengdu was based a lot on the first impressions of my new employer. I was treated well, something I had begun to think wouldn’t be possible in China. The first days spent with Teresa were so unlike those of my previous ‘employer’; she bought me meals, took me to local restaurants and tea gardens with her friends.
Finally it was time to go to work and Teresa drove me the half-day journey to Santai. I remember thinking as we drove into the county and then finally the town, are you shitting me? It was love at first sight. We made our way along the tree-lined main street until we arrived at the school. As bad as things were in Datong, they seemed to be great here. The reception over the next few weeks from staff and students alike further deepened my feelings for a town where I was constantly called lao wai but never in a way other than excitement and curiosity. I was assigned a spacious two bedroom apartment that was furnished for the comfort of a foreigner, no hardwood couches for me, thank you.
The first year was an extended honeymoon; the more time I spent in Santai the more I appreciated it. As only the second full-time teacher the town has seen they haven’t developed the cynical attitude regarding foreign teachers. I tried to always remain cognizant of this fact and remain on my best behavior so that those that follow me can have a similar experience.
I was invited to stay for a second year and after discussing it with my students and weighing the pros and cons it seemed like a slam dunk - I accepted. I became a better teacher in my second year having had the first year of experience under my belt. I would regularly see more students than any other teacher in the school but never really tired of them. My class sizes were 60+ students with a few exceptions but I didn’t have homework or exams to deal with, just Oral English.
Midway through the second year I was invited to stay for a third. I responded that I would need to think about it. Three years is a long time. I don’t know where the future will take me. Every option is on the table, I may find another job in China, I may look to another country or, maybe, it is time to go home. Whatever happens I’ll never forget my time in Santai, Sichuan Province.
Santai will remain in my heart. Thank you, Santai.
May 26th, 2006 at 6:34 pm
Man, that was a great story. I am having the same feelings about my situation now. I’ve been at my school for four years now (no ‘regulations’ preventing me from doing so) but I am wondering if I should move on. Good luck to you.
May 27th, 2006 at 3:59 pm
It’s hard to leave a place you’ve called home for such a long time. I also undertand you feeling of no awareness of where the wind will blow to next. But no matter what the next corner brings, i am sure everything will be fine, and you life will be awesome.
May 31st, 2006 at 11:48 am
Wow, you’re finally moving on from Santai! When I think of the school Jon and I worked for it reminds me of how lucky you were to find such a great place. But that’s not to say that you couldn’t find somewhere else that’s just as good or better.
Do you think you’ll follow up on Ethiopia now? I remember you considering that back when you were first offered the second year on your contract.
Whatever you choose, however, I wish you the very best of luck.
- Evan
June 5th, 2006 at 11:44 am
That was a moving story and one very much from the heart. It’s the most natural thing in the world to want to know the reasons for rejection, but in this case, it seems unlikely you will ever find out, for many reasons. The biggest of which is the cultural factor. I have lived in China for two years, and consider myself the kind of foreigner who makes an effort to get to know and respect local culture. Two years isn’t a long time, but its long enough to know that the Chinese have a very different way of communicating with people, especially when the news to be broken is bad. So, I suggest you draw a line under Santai, and look at it as a ‘tranistional’ place where you got your life back on track and helped move on from whatever hurt you back home. Nice though Santai was, were you really going to stay there permanently? I dont think you were, so now is as good a time to move on as any.
Everybody has their personal demons and we all go through tough phases in life. I spent three years living in a dull, dead-end town in England getting experience working for a newspaper. I looked upon that as something I had to do, but when I asked myself Why Did You Resign? In January 2005, the answer was purely that I needed to take time out and enjoy life and travel after three solid years dedicated to career-building at the expense of living in an exciting location and having a social life. So I left the UK and travelled to China, but then ended up going all over SE Asia and travelling for 5 months. Even when I got to Shanghai, I didnt hurry to get a job, and out of my first 6 months in the city, I only worked for half of that time. Someone left a comment on my blog, on a story when i was feeling guilty for doing nothing for months at a time, that these periods were like long, deep sleeps to recover from pervious toil and strife. And that really struck a chord for me, because it made me realise that I had not wasted 3 months doing nothing, I was just taking the time to move on to a new phase in life at my own pace. I hope you can see some similarities with your situation, when you read this.
For purely selfish reasons I hope you stay in China, and I think there is a future for you in software instruction in the Big bad ‘Hai, but whatever you decide to do, you have my very best wishes.
S.U.